I have a serious problem with the F word.
You know what word I'm speaking of. Fornication Under Consent of the King. Ficken, fokken, fukka, focka...wherever the word came from...it's all the same in plain English.
That, my friends, is (hopefully) the only time I will use that word in its entirety in this blog. I will at least step it down to 'eff'.
I'm really, really trying to break the habit.
In May of 2005, I became a Born Again Christian. If you think that's weird, you're probably right up there with 75% of the public. Especially Catholics...when a Catholic hears the term 'Born Again Christian', visions of fire, brimstone and hootin' and hollerin' preachers with diamond rings on their fingers come to mind. [Before all the Catholics jump on me - I was raised Catholic, received my sacraments, and took all my guilt one spoonful at a time. We have a kinship - don't hate. :)]
That's not what I am.
So what does it actually mean? It means I had no relationship with Christ, and chose to begin one. I decided to lay all my crap...all my 'baggage' (also known as sin) down, turn the other way, look up to the Lord, ask for forgiveness and never look back.
I became friends with the Big J. For real.
Best decision I ever made.
So, back to the F word. (Because nothing goes with Jesus like the F word, right? My point exactly.) I'm sure you know that any Christian who claims to be perfect has serious issues of their own. As the saying goes, church is for sinners - not for saints. That being said - I still sin all the time. It will never, ever go away - and that's okay. Thankfully, I've already been forgiven (another F word...far happier) - but that doesn't mean I get to run around like a nutbag doing whatever I please.
Becoming a Christian can actually make you more sensitive to your flaws, while simultaneously creating an overwhelming urge to fix them. Lucky us.
So yea, I have tons of other Character issues I need to tend to, but the F word is most prevalent at this very moment when it comes to this blog. So...why?
I used to work for a utility here in Philly. Anyone who knows anyone from Philadelphia, knows that curse words are not exactly hard to come by. The F word is probably just as common as 'hello' or 'toilet'. (Toilet, Kate...really?) One day I was in a meeting, and while I can't recall the exact conversation, it went something like this:
Me: ...so even though the software gives us a faster turn around, the usability factor is f*cking horrible. You literally have to play with a template for hours just to get your f*cking bullets to line up properly.
Me: *blink blink* What?
Bob: You curse a lot.
Me: Oh my gosh...I'm so sorry. I really do apologize. I don't even hear it sometimes.
Bob: No, no...it sounds really natural when you say it. Like it fits right in to the conversation. No worries.
Well, gee. Great. Perfect. As long as it doesn't *sound* like a bad word when I say it, all is okay...right?
Now, to my credit, I knew Bob *really* well. I don't usually throw the F word around to complete strangers. It's not like I would have walked into the Board Room while the CEO was giving a presentation and proclaimed the free lunch was f*cking amazeballs.
Seriously, I wouldn't have.
Regardless, I don't want to be the one who's known for being able to work the F word into a conversation seamlessly. I'm a mom now - I don't need my kids' first full sentence to include the F word, no matter how seamless he throws it in. Can you imagine?
Could you please hand me the f*cking ball, Mom?
Needless to say...the journey begins. A life less F*ck and more Forgiven.
It's going to be a long, tough road.
*Bob's name is not actually Bob. Do you think I don't know *anything* about etiquette?